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Let's get together! Our Dream!
Do As Infinity - Tookumade
I am very happy now. I have people living in my head, and I think I'm going to be able to write about them soon. I spent most of today coaxing them out.
It amuses me that I'm so blase about the people in my head, but it's true. I have people living in my head. Sometimes I talk to them. Then they talk back. My purpose, as a writer, is to get these people out on the page and tell their story in hopes that other people might be interested in these people, and will take bits of those people to0 live in their heads. And so on, and so on.
My definition of writing sounds vaguely like the description of an STD.
~Reebie wandered off at 05:21 p.m. on Tuesday, March 25, 2003~
Tori Amos - Carbon (live)
Which MegaTokyo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
^^;;
I had a girly day today -- I'd made plans ages ago to hang out with Kris and LeaBee, which I haven't done since, fuck, probably September. A little before we left, Leash called, so we included her as well. ^^
Kris and LeaBee and I have been friends since eighth grade...Leash I met later, and in different circumstances, and Leash doesn't know them too well. I was a little worried about Leash -- she seemed pretty down today. She mentioned she wasn't used to being around girls, so she was worried...she got quieter as the day went on.
Kris and I were pretty typical for us -- Kris was unbelievably pleased to find out that she was taller than both LeaBee and Leash (Kris has always been a shrimp, and only recently had a growth spurt), ad I was shocked and a bit smug to find out I was taller than all three of them. ^^
LeaBee...I'm really worried for poor LeaBee. I need to hang out with her more. I really do. Leash I'm worried about, too, but Leash knows she can come to me...LeaBee and I have drifted a lot, and that worries me.
What did we buy...Kris bought two shirts for $10, Leash bought two different shirts for $38, LeaBee spent $140+ on random clothes and sandals (and a book! but I'll get to that later) because she buys clothes at the expensive places. And I spent about $100, on:
-- a really pretty postcard from Hot Topic, of dragons and flame, and a button for my bag saying "Talk Nerdy to me"
-- makeup (gasp! shock! including: an eyeshadow and a 'chocolate eclair' lipgloss which actually tastes like watermelon), a keychain (How do you keep an idiot occupied for hours? Turn over), and a new wallet, because my first wallet was a boys' wallet and too small and the wallet Heth gave me was really hideous, all from the Icing.
-- the first volume of .hack//sign from Suncoast (wanted Karekano #2, but it wasn't there)
-- manga 'Karekano #1' from Waldenbooks
I got LeaBee to buy a book! I was so happy, my bookstore sixth sense is still with me. ^^
Her mother had been on her case about not reading -- LeaBee said that she thought her mom wanted her to be more like me, a little bookworm who's too serious. ^^ LeaBee doesn't need to be like me... So we went into Waldenbooks to meet my dad, our ride, and I told her to check out some of the Jane Green books -- she didn't seem interested in them, although she did check out "Mr. Maybe" (although any woman in her right mind would, from the cover alone). So, I was browsing through the Young Adult section and LeaBee and I talked a bit...then, in a fit of inspiration, I handed her the first of the Georgia Nicholson books. She loved it. ^^
You know, it's funny...I really don't like those books, I think they're trash, a waste of space, just crass commercialism cashing in on the popular "fads" of British dialect and diaries...but I have no problems recommending them to someone like LeaBee, who was absolutely absorbed in the first volume.
But the whole day was almost ruined by a comment my dad made...we'd dropped Kris off, LeaBee and Leash were in the backseat, and my dad leaned towards me and asked "do you think LeaBee's gained weight?"
He was quiet, and he shut up when he realized LeaBee was in the backseat, and I don't know -- can't read -- if she heard or not. But that's a completely shitty thing to say at any time. Especially coming from a man who could stand to lose a good 50 pounds.
I love my dad, but...he's so utterly insensitive to social issues, to hidden currents, and to basic niceties. And one basic nicety is that you don't remark on someone's weight... even in private, it's not a good thing, and this was -- even if he had thought LeaBee had been dropped off -- still somewhat in public. And girls are so sensitive to weight issues -- I know for a fact LeaBee didn't get ice cream because she was worried about her weight.
I mean, day in, day out, we're bombarded with images -- this is how we're supposed to look. This is how we're supposed to act. This is us, this is what we should be, if there is any problem let's highlight it in red and show it to the world and god forbid you don't fit the supermodel image, which barely six women in the entire world actually fit. Why can't we just airbrush our whole selves? Get rid of some weight here, get rid of this curl, fix those teeth...
I'm normally pretty immune to body issues...lately I haven't been, and it worries me that I'm losing some of that immunity. I've been learning to be more critical of myself and my shape...but even so, I don't want to say to myself "oh, god, you look horrible, get in shape." When I exercise, I do it because I want to be healthy -- not because I want to be a size 0.
But I know...that people can get really hurt by careless words like that. And I...I really don't want to have anyone I care about be hurt by careless words like that again.
~Reebie wandered off at 10:30 p.m. on Sunday, March 23, 2003~
Wada Kouji - Egao
I wrote a poem in school today, which is a really bad thing to do for me. First of all, I write very little poetry, and of the poetry I write, it's either embarrassing or crappy or too obviously personal. I dislike having to continually preface my poetry (or, for that manner, my original fics) with a "this is not referring to me." Even when it is. ^^
But second of all, for me to write at all, I have to be in "the mood". And "the mood" for writing is very, very specific and involves being off in my own dreamland with some music playing that doesn't make me sing or enjoy it too much but isn't so unfamiliar that I look up and pay attention. And no one can be talking, or doing anything distracting like trying to teach me something or wanting to talk or having a nervous breakdown. That's not allowed.
Basically, when I write, I want to be in my own personal climate-controlled bubble. This results in me not producing much, and very rarely producing something of substance.
Somehow, however, I managed to write this poem during a study hall in the gym, with everyone talking and kids bouncing basketballs and pickleballs and hackeysacks and Micah hobbling around on Maddie's crutches and talking about kicking people in the schwinger. I am not making this up. The people in my life defy reality.
I wrote it in one period, then I edited it for the next three, agonizing over such considerations such as comma placement, line length, and how to spell "commiserating" (which, to my pleased surprise, I just found out I'd spelled correctly). I never even bothered with things like "sense." Oh, the joys of writing. ^^
It'll be up on fp.net in a few days once I get some crit. Whee.
---
It's my theory that certain people can bend the universe around them. I'm not sure how or why this happens, but I'm absolutely positive it exists. Some people, merely by existing, can warp the universe and everything in it.
Case in point: Beatrice.
Beatrice is a really, really sweet, if semi-ditzy girl. She sits in front of Fuu-chan in homeroom and has the locker next to her. Since I'm always hanging around Fuu-chan (well, until marching band and drama separated us for a time), Beatrice knew me as Fuu's friend.
This lasted until about two weeks ago, when we had to select partners for this unit. Because the usual partners got mixed around, I ended up with Beatrice as a partner. We started talking more.
At about the same time, Beatrice started dating a semi-friend of mine from Academic Team. With either of them seperately, I was sort of a distant nodding acquantaince. With both of them together...well, I end up talking quite a bit more, although I have really become "Beatrice's friend".
What bemuses me most is how Beatrice actively shapes the world around her. I'm not saying she's a bubble-head -- but when talking to her, polysyllabic words sort of drift away and I feel myself smiling, laughing, and using her sort of jokes quite a bit. It's rather stupefying, in the truest sense of the word.
While I like Beatrice a lot, and I wish her a good future with her boyfriend, I can't help but wonder if I should try to market her in someway. "Feeling down? Try Essence of Beatrice!"
~Reebie wandered off at 03:44 p.m. on Friday, March 14, 2003~
Wada Kouji - Egao
I wrote a poem in school today, which is a really bad thing to do for me. First of all, I write very little poetry, and of the poetry I write, it's either embarrassing or crappy or too obviously personal. I dislike having to continually preface my poetry (or, for that manner, my original fics) with a "this is not referring to me." Even when it is. ^^
But second of all, for me to write at all, I have to be in "the mood". And "the mood" for writing is very, very specific and involves being off in my own dreamland with some music playing that doesn't make me sing or enjoy it too much but isn't so unfamiliar that I look up and pay attention. And no one can be talking, or doing anything distracting like trying to teach me something or wanting to talk or having a nervous breakdown. That's not allowed.
Basically, when I write, I want to be in my own personal climate-controlled bubble. This results in me not producing much, and very rarely producing something of substance.
Somehow, however, I managed to write this poem during a study hall in the gym, with everyone talking and kids bouncing basketballs and pickleballs and hackeysacks and Micah hobbling around on Maddie's crutches and talking about kicking people in the schwinger. I am not making this up. The people in my life defy reality.
I wrote it in one period, then I edited it for the next three, agonizing over such considerations such as comma placement, line length, and how to spell "commiserating" (which, to my pleased surprise, I just found out I'd spelled correctly). I never even bothered with things like "sense." Oh, the joys of writing. ^^
It'll be up on fp.net in a few days once I get some crit. Whee.
---
It's my theory that certain people can bend the universe around them. I'm not sure how or why this happens, but I'm absolutely positive it exists. Some people, merely by existing, can warp the universe and everything in it.
Case in point: Beatrice.
Beatrice is a really, really sweet, if semi-ditzy girl. She sits in front of Fuu-chan in homeroom and has the locker next to her. Since I'm always hanging around Fuu-chan (well, until marching band and drama separated us for a time), Beatrice knew me as Fuu's friend.
This lasted until about two weeks ago, when we had to select partners for this unit. Because the usual partners got mixed around, I ended up with Beatrice as a partner. We started talking more.
At about the same time, Beatrice started dating a semi-friend of mine from Academic Team. With either of them seperately, I was sort of a distant nodding acquantaince. With both of them together...well, I end up talking quite a bit more, although I have really become "Beatrice's friend".
What bemuses me most is how Beatrice actively shapes the world around her. I'm not saying she's a bubble-head -- but when talking to her, polysyllabic words sort of drift away and I feel myself smiling, laughing, and using her sort of jokes quite a bit. It's rather stupefying, in the truest sense of the word.
While I like Beatrice a lot, and I wish her a good future with her boyfriend, I can't help but wonder if I should try to market her in someway. "Feeling down? Try Essence of Beatrice!"
~Reebie wandered off at 03:44 p.m. on Friday, March 14, 2003~
Les Miserables - At the End of the Day
I'm aliiiive! So aliiiiive! But only just. I'm holding up remarkably well despite the crushing load of rehearsals and homework by reading an unabridged version of Les Miserables. I'm on page 223 of 1222. W00t, only 999 to go!
Two days until the first performance. Today was the final dress rehearsal -- unlike every other rehearsal, this one didn't completely suck. There's about six or seven complete and utter bitches, but in a cast of 45+ that's not too bad.
I am convinced that the non-suckiness of today's rehearsal (and of most of yesterday's) is a direct result of my finally bowed to severe pressure and getting my eyebrows done. For those of you who think I'm betraying my iconoclastic, non-femme nature, it was actually "at blushpoint". If I didn't, no one would do my makeup. ^^
I'm pretty amused by what happens in high school. In eighth grade, this girl Jenna was a really big prep, and I was in the anticlique with my friends. We all had the same gym class...not a good thing. ^^ One day, the uberprep Nikki was being a bitch to us, so my friend Kris told her off. Jenna told her that she "didn't have the right to say that kind of thing" to Nikki. Fuu and I went online (mostly Fuu, but on one of my screen names) and tormented her for a few days. Then we got bored with it. ^^
Now, Nikki's still an uberbitch, but Jenna was cast in the play this year. I've been sort of wary with her all year -- I never really opened up to her, and I was always on my guard when talking to her, even though she'd really seemed like she'd changed. Today, when Madelyn was doing my makeup, Jenna volunteered to straighten my hair. She did an awesome job. Later, when we were setting up for the first scene, she sang something from RENT.
Intemission. Fuu comes backstage to talk (she's in pit). I turn to Fuu and say: "Jenna is my new favorite person. 'Sides you."
Fuu and I chat for a bit. One of the uberbitches, Dina, turns around and tells us to shut the fuck up, in those words. I mutter "you're the one who's always talking" (which is true).
Dina: ::turns sharply around:: "Excuse me, what did you say?"
Me: ::prepares to roll my eyes, or something especially brilliant::
Fuu: "What gives you the right to talk to her like that?"
Fuu unleashes on Dina. I'm semi-enjoying the spectacle, but tell them to calm down before they attract too much attention. Dina turns back around.
Me: ::blinks at Fuu:: "You realize you're acting just like Jenna in the eighth grade."
Fuu: ::pales:: "Yeah."
Me: "How the HELL did we end up on the side of the demons?"
Goddamnit it, when you're an underdog, you stay that way, right? ^^
~Reebie wandered off at 10:26 p.m. on Tuesday, March 11, 2003~
no music, at school
am I dead? quite likely. school play is next week, thursday through sunday. after that, k-chan, I'll send back the CCS. ^^
The only things I've been writing lately -- besides Her Own Shame -- are essays for English class. In my mind, I've been semi-planning original stories, original characters, places stories might go.
It's getting harder and harder to write fanfiction lately. Part of it is I'm really not in any fandom -- I'm afraid of the Harry Potter fanatics, and the only anime or manga I've really been into lately is Kodocha. It's harder to write Digimon characters than it was two years ago when I watched it religiously.
And part of it...most of it, really...is that I'm tired of fanfiction. I like writing original fiction. I like planning out my own characters and wondering where they'll end up. I like writing short stories about my past. I feel like...I'm growing somehow.
I've always regarded fanfiction to be a stepping stone. I started writing fanfiction saying "I want to be a writer, I'll write Animorphs fic to start practicing, and later I'll become a real author." I'm very proud -- and shy -- about my original fiction. I don't know if I can write anything that's worth paying for -- but I want to try.
I don't want to stop writing fanfiction. Yet.
~Reebie wandered off at 01:05 p.m. on Thursday, March 6, 2003~
Shiina Hekiru - Precious Things
am I dead, am I not? Only time will tell.
K-chan, you -do- realize I was kidding when I told you you shouldn't read it? actually, I wouldn't want to read it...I wasn't sure if I wanted her to read it. honestly, if I ever say anything as offensive to you as that again, smack me. you're way more mature than I am. I'm a spoiled brat, as my parents are only too happy to remind me.
(and no, I will not contribute to the save Eve fund. I have to clean my room and shovel snow.)
It blizzarded. Actually, the blizzarding is melting. I walked home today, partially because my parents have been whining about how I ask for rides (yes, because I want to walk through knee-high snow in twenty degree weather at 7 AM. That isn't happening.) and partially because, well, at 4:00 PM and in 40 degree weather, it was a lot nicer.
Yes, I'm fickle. Championships for NJDFL are on Saturday, and I have to do an improv monologue. This ought to be embarrassing, since I have about one good monologue for every three bad ones. I'm also sleepy and smelly and I think I'll work on that right now. G'night.
~Reebie wandered off at 10:39 p.m. on Thursday, February 20, 2003~
Shiina Hekiru - Precious Things
am I dead, am I not? Only time will tell.
K-chan, you -do- realize I was kidding when I told you you shouldn't read it? actually, I wouldn't want to read it...honestly, if I ever say anything like that again, smack me. you're way more mature than I am. I'm a spoiled brat, as my parents are only too happy to remind me.
(and no, I will not contribute to the save Eve fund. I have to clean my room and shovel snow.)
It blizzarded. Actually, the blizzarding is melting. I walked home today, partially because my parents have been whining about how I ask for rides (yes, because I want to walk through knee-high snow in twenty degree weather at 7 AM. That isn't happening.) and partially because, well, at 4:00 PM and in 40 degree weather, it was a lot nicer.
Yes, I'm fickle. Championships for NJDFL are on Saturday, and I have to do an improv monologue. This ought to be embarrassing, since I have about one good monologue for every three bad ones. I'm also sleepy and smelly and I think I'll work on that right now. G'night.
~Reebie wandered off at 10:39 p.m. on Thursday, February 20, 2003~
Des'ree - You Gotta Be
By ignoring sleep, family members, calls of nature, and a snowstorm, and by not ignoring friends, altoids, a telephone survey, and exercise, I managed to write my first Kodocha fic. Warning -- it's R-rated for a reason.
with that over with, sleep looks good. sleep looks very good. but first a shower. then sleep.
~Reebie wandered off at 10:59 p.m. on Monday, February 17, 2003~
Love Hina - Tsuki no Gotoku
from Neil Gaiman's blog:
I am, of course, none other than blank verse.
I don't know where I'm going, yes, quite right;
And when I get there (if I ever do)
I might not recognise it. So? Your point?
Why should I have a destination set?
I'm relatively happy as I am,
And wouldn't want to be forever aimed
Towards some future path or special goal.
It's not to do with laziness, as such.
It's just that one the whole I'd rather not
Be bothered - so I drift contentedly;
An underrated way of life, I find. |
What Poetry Form Are You?
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I think that's quite appropriate, seeing as I break out in hives whenever I'm told I must write rhyming poetry. I just know I'm going to be forced to end a line with "purple".
feeling anti-social and sleepy. leave me alone, with something to chew on.
~Reebie wandered off at 07:06 p.m. on Sunday, February 2, 2003~
Sakamoto Maaya - Birds
Wow, I really haven't felt like updating this lately. There are reasons for that, actually.
I really, really hate whining about my life, and I don't want to annoy people or bother them or make them worry for any reason. So, when my life's not going that well, like it is at the moment, I'd prefer not to say much.
Don't worry, all of my problems right now are in that typical-Reebie stage which only make sense to me and not to anyone else. For once, all of my problems are solely in the 'real world' -- and, oddly enough, I've been escaping less and less to the computer, although I've been a really voracious reader in the past few weeks, more than normal. I've been dealing by being incredibly bitchy and emotional -- poor Fuu-chan, who's been getting the brunt of it.
Although Fuu-chan's right (she keeps a diary, which, out of privacy to the one I write so much about, I don't feel like linking to...besides, she updates less than I do), she doesn't cry much around other people...neither do I, really. I cry a lot at home, and around my family...I've cried maybe three or four times around Fuu-chan (two in the last month or so alone, eep), and she's only cried once around me in nearly four years of friendship. Isn't it weird, what faces we show around people?
"If I kept up the act at home, it would only make me tired..."
Besides, focusing on my problems is only going to make it hurt more. And I'm sick of tears -- all they do is leave me clogged and make my cold worse. ^_^ What helps is to smile, to go out and help others, to do something, damnit. Focusing on your tears will only leave you a soggy mass of salt and tissues, or some such sentiment.
I went out to celebrate Tomb's birthday (see, I told you I'd talk about last night here!) last night...it was a nifty little group, me, Lindsey, Robyn, and Jessie. I've never hung out with Robyn and Jessie outside of drama...they were so funny. ^^ It was Jessie's first-year anniversary with her boyfriend Justin...only he was in Florida. So, for some reason, Robyn and Jessie decided to act like they were a couple. Ah, thespians. ^_^ They were really funny, 'cause they wanted to especially act like that in front of our waiter...so they would kiss whenever he was near to get him to notice.
Them: *smooch!*
Me: He wasn't watching.
Robyn: Damnit!
Eventually, he noticed. ^^ Quite amusing for all of us. ^_^
~Reebie wandered off at 11:20 a.m. on Saturday, February 1, 2003~
wow, I haven't written in a while. I suppose I should feel guilty...nah. ^^
I got a haircut! It's short and my hair poofs out more than it used to. Instead of looking like Tomoyo, I now could probably cosplay as Rika...now, I have to get a crush on a thirty-year-old teacher...but all of my thirty-something male teachers have kids already.
I'm over at Fuu-chan's house right now. Fuu-chan and I have an amazing ability to spend money...I swear, I only spend this much money around her. Between us, we spent $150 dollars...and what did we buy? Between us:
-- a pretzel, lemonade (Fuu's) and a bad Dutch Ice (mine) at Auntie Anne's = $5
-- Karekano DVD 1-6 and Furuba DVD 1-6 (split more-or-less-evenly between us) and X manga 2 (Fuu's) = $30 for Karekano, $40 (?!) for Furuba, $15.95 for X...ended up being over $90. o_O
-- food: pizza (Fuu), salmon teriyaki + Dr. Pepper (me) = $6 or $7.
-- Hot Topic T-Shirt (mine) = $16
-- Sam Goody's t-shirt (mine -- on sale, though!) = $4.99
-- The Sandman Presents: The Furies (mine, though Fuu will steal it soon, I'm sure.) = $27 (with some added help from Fuu's resigned mother.)
If we didn't have this manga/anime obsession, we would have so much more money...nah. we'd fall in love with something else.
Fuu-chan is a really great artist. When I came over this afternoon, she showed me a drawing of herself, anime-style.
Me: "Wow, this is really anime-style...your chest grew a lot."
When we bought the DVDs, the Suncoast guy didn't scan what we got -- I think it was broken. So, for the next three stores we went into, we set off every single alarm. ( Actually, Fuu did, because she was carrying the bag.)
Me: "Ne, Fuu...I think I know why your bust size got so big. You stuffed merchandise down your bra, didn't you?"
Fuu (just now, standing behind me): "Hey, Reeb, look at what ELSE we got..."
Ah, Fuu-chan. Also, we've discovered that I have very twisted morals. I see nothing wrong with taking a comic book out of the plastic wrapping (when I have no intention of buying it) as long as I keep the price tag on. Still, when I actually decide to buy the book, I feel guilty about having to borrow money...ahhh, the bliss of being completely moral in all the wrong things. ^_-
~Reebie wandered off at 10:24 p.m. on Saturday, January 25, 2003~
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